Marky B x Connor John - Only Fans & Horses

[Verse 1: Marky B & Connor John] Oi, Marky, you're a plonker No I'm not, mate, I've been on the vodka I've been in the pub, chatting to a few birds I've been wheeling and dealing, tryna make a date for my todger Looking for a bird I can conquer Came so good, they better give me an Oscar I've been wheeling and dealing Tryna put plants in the ceiling, do you want a lodger? Oi, Connor, lovely jubbly Wanna make a million so I can sit comfy Tryna make a wage all over the country I'm acting a plonker, you're acting a numpty I'm a wheeler, dealer, fit bird teaser Your bird's stealer, love a three-wheeler Can I go deeper? I'm a wheeling, dealing man, nice to meet ya [Chorus] Stick a pony in me pocket I'll fetch the suitcase from the van 'Cause if you want the best ones But you don't ask questions Then brother, I'm your man 'Cause where it all comes from is a mystery It's like the changing of the seasons And the tides of the sea But here's the one that's driving me berserk Why do only fools and horses work? [Verse 2: Marky B & Connor John] Yo, Connor, wanna buy this strimmer? I'll sell you it cheap, you'll be onto a winner Nah, Marky, the thing's antique Not worth one wrap, I'll chuck that in the river Yo, Connor, wanna buy this caravan? I'll leave a wage, have it sold in an hour, man Nah, Marky, the trailer's a ringer But I wanna use it when I go shag Carol-Ann Yo, Marky, I mean Rodney Stop tryna sell me ringered up goods Yo, Connor, I mean Del Boy Everything's ringered when you're from Bradford I wanna wrap money in elastic Notes that are plastic, moves that are drastic I wanna make money in a house next door What I mean, grow weed, not Mr Boombastic [Chorus] Stick a pony in me pocket I'll fetch the suitcase from the van 'Cause if you want the best ones But you don't ask questions Then brother, I'm your man 'Cause where it all comes from is a mystery It's like the changing of the seasons And the tides of the sea But here's the one that's driving me berserk Why do only fools and horses work?